she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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