WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
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