Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
