Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Randomize
