True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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