why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Randomize
