I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
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