You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Randomize
