That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Randomize
