i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
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