my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
