Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
wakey wakey hands off snakey
operation harelip BJ is a go
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
