drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Randomize
