i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Someone shattered a urinal.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
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