eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
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