So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Randomize
