the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Randomize
