So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
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