o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
We got so high we made milksteak
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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