Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
