I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Drunk is a universal language darling
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