I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
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