so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
