Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
