she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
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