I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
So apparently I’m into choking now
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
