just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
