I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Randomize
