butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
