My first STD was from a foam party
Screwed.edu
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Randomize
