my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
