but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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