I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
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