Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
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