Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I think my fart just growled at me.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize