you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
This ain't no lie cnn says sonny n cher's dtr chastity is going to have sex reassignment surgery to become a man named chaz
Not surprised. I always thought Cher was a very passable post op transexual.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
love makes seman taste better
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
