I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
