So drunk, too bad you don't want this
just tell him i said nine months
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
