when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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