had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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