hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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