Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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