your room smells of hookers.
And success
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
