So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
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