Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Randomize
