theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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