And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
