WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Randomize
