They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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