Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
