yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
I wish I only lived at night.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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