I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I got inside last night via doggy door
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
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