THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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