whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Randomize
