The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
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