Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
