I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Randomize
