theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
