I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
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