Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
