giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
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