this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
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