Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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