sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
