Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
