It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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