peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
I think we might need a safe word for this...
I see more hoeing in ur future
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