Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
