a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Randomize
