high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
She told me I should be a condom model.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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