I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
