So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
