Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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