in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
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