I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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