guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
