Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
and you fell through a lawn chair
I'm bleeding and have questions
Randomize
