my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
