I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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