I've blown a few things in my day
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
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