I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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