dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
