Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
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