You work out of a Hotel?
I puked a lego.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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