oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
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