I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
